Tip #2 Practice Listening and Repeating

James 1:19-20 "But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."

I believe that there are two reasons that God instituted marriage and neither involves making us happy. The first reason is to bring glory to God. Everything we do should ultimately bring glory to Him because that is why He created us. He is so holy and so righteous that he must be praised and glorified, and so He made humankind in His image to worship Him. The Bible refers to marriage as a metaphor for God's relationship with humans many times. For this reason, there is nothing quite like a healthy, godly marriage to bring glory to God.

The second reason for marriage is to make us more holy - more like Christ. In Isaiah, the prophet speaks of God purifying us and adorning us in gorgeous wedding garb. In order to be the bride of Christ, we must be made holy first. This is the work of the Holy Spirit alone, but He can use people to influence us to become more holy. His desire for marriage is that our spouse would be the greatest influence on our holiness.

How do we do this? The above verse gives us some clues. Last week we talked about our innate desire to be heard which interrupts our ability to hear. James says to set this desire aside and to hear one another instead. Then, we are to be slow to speak. So many times, when our spouse is communicating something we don't necessarily like, we are busy preparing our rebuttal and we do not hear what the other is saying. Instead, we need first to listen. In order to practice listening, I encourage you to stop thinking about your response and instead, prepare to repeat back to your spouse what they have said. When they confirm that you have heard correctly, then you may respond to them.

The verse also tells us to be slow to anger. What does this mean and how do we accomplish this? I encourage the use of time-outs and forgiveness, both of which we will discuss more in depth later on. For now, what you need to know is that if a conversation becomes too hot to handle, it's okay to walk away for a time. Just make sure you follow three rules - 1. Use the time to calm yourself down by exercising, engaging in a hobby, or writing in a journal, and definitely by praying. 2. Think about the other's needs and how you can meet them. 3. Agree on a time to come back to the conversation, preferably that same day.

Again, we will cover in more detail taking time-outs and forgiving one another in another post. For this week, practice listening and repeating. This will further allow you to both be heard and meet each other's needs more effectively.