Tip # 1: Put your spouse first

Philippians 2:3-4 "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." (NASB)

When we communicate with one another, it is in our human nature to want to be heard. When we feel we aren't heard, we find it difficult to hear anyone else until we know we have gotten our point accross. When two people are both struggling to be heard, it is nearly impossible for either of them to listen, so tempers flare and needs go unmet.

What would it look like if we each were thinking more about meeting the other person's needs than our own? We would hear what they were telling us the first time and many an ugly argument would be avoided. And if we did this for each other, we would meet each other's needs much more effectively.

Sound backwards? Society would say that it is. We are constantly bombarded by the media telling us to "look out for number 1." "Follow your heart." "Be true to yourself." These soundbites are contrary to Scripture and usually make for a pretty miserable marriage in which hurt, anger, mistrust and selfishness are bred.

THE EXERCISE:
Want to be heard? Try listening. Over the next week, practice setting aside your right to be heard and listen to what your spouse is trying to communicate. Find out what he or she needs from you and find a way to deliver. Ask if what you've done was helpful. If not, ask what more you can do. Remember, if you're doing this for each other, your spouse should be taking care of your needs too. But don't be afraid to communicate what you need too. Look back at the verse. It doesn't say not to worry about your own needs, it just says to make sure you're just as concerned about the needs of others.

For those of you attempting this on your own, be encouraged. Putting yourself second will be more difficult for you because your spouse has not committed to this as well. But if you practice this exercise, it will be very difficult for your spouse not to notice a change and respond differently. Above all else, remember to keep praying for yourself and for your spouse.